


Who's the Blonde Stranger?

by mpjones3



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: GOD IM SO SORRY, im so so sorry, key lime pie, this is just jimmy buffet fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-01 23:22:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14531601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mpjones3/pseuds/mpjones3
Summary: This is an AU where Jack and Bitty meet at a Jimmy Buffett concert. There are many Buffett jokes.





	Who's the Blonde Stranger?

What no one knows about Canadian hockey legend Robert “Bad Bob” Zimmermann and his supermodel wife, Alicia Zimmermann, is that they love Jimmy Buffett. You’d think, that with their family being a hockey dynasty, and ice being a primary motivator, that they’d hate James William Buffett. Somehow, you’d be wrong. 

You’d be so wrong in thinking this, yet their son’s first song, sang at age 3, was “Margaritaville”. His first concert, in fourth grade, was a Coral Reefers concert. And now, approximately twenty years later, he finds himself in Boston, at Fenway Park, the year after winning a Stanley Cup, watching Buffett sing about boats, beaches and bars. 

Jack has dreams of retiring to the Florida Keys one day. Sure, there’s no ice there, but the ice can go in his drinks instead. And it might be nice to be tan, he thinks. Maybe he’ll finally be able to pull off the Hawaiian shirt he bought one night shame listening to Buffett, psyching himself up for the game the next day. There’s nothing that can calm his anxiety more than the gentle crooning sounds of “Come Monday.” 

He’s seated at the concert near a young blonde man in a teal hawaiian shirt and a shirtless mustached man in what looks to be only bathing suit bottoms spread out on a giant blanket. Certainly not the weirdest thing he’s seen at these concerts, but not the casual island wear that most of the middle aged crowd is wearing. What really draws his eye though, is their patterned beach blanket and the key lime pie that is set up in an awfully nice glass pie plate. 

“Why would you bring a glass pie plate to this concert?”, Jack thinks. “These old folk get rowdy once they’re 4 drinks in and listening to music about the island.” Alcohol is flowing freely at this concert, but Jack himself is still on his first Corona. He doesn’t particularly like alcohol, but it fits with the theme, and he likes to allow himself these treats. 

The crowd is swelling and Jack takes another sip of his beer. God, concerts are the worst, especially on your own. He’d be perfectly happy if he could pay Buffett to play his house, or the boat he’s considering buying, but that seems like a rash decision before he moves out to the Keys. Honestly, though, he got to this early, and his chair is uncomfortable and he’s hungry but doesn’t want to pay for concert food, and really that pie is looking pretty good. He doesn’t even realize that he’s longingly staring at it until he notices Mustache and Blonde Hawaiian Shirt having a hushed conversation. Blonde Hawaiian Shirt is kinda cute too. 

Jack averts his eyes, but a movement brings them back up. Blonde Hawaiian Shirt and Mustache are waving him over and gesturing at the pie. Vigorously. Really, Mustache is kinda waving his arms wildly. Jack looks around, and slowly points at himself questioningly. Somehow, Mustache’s arms wave even more wildly, and he confirms that they are in fact inviting Jack to come sit with them. 

Jack drags his chair and his beer over. 

“Hi there! We caught you looking at this pie, and given that we shouldn’t eat the whole thing ourselves...”, Blonde Hawaiian Shirt starts out. 

“And we have better alcohol than that piss you’re drinking”, Mustache interrupts. He is elbowed by Blonde Hawaiian Shirt, whose smile is captivating Jack for reasons unknown. 

“Anyway,” Captivating Smile Blonde says, “We wanted to know if you wanted to eat pie, drink and enjoy Buffett with us.”

Jack considers denying, but he’s kind of bored, and these people seem much more exciting than nursing a warm beer and waiting for Jimmy Buffett to come onstage, and Jack really does want some pie, so he accepts. Sticking out a hand, he introduces himself. 

“Jack”, he says. 

The blonde introduces himself as “Bitty”, and Mustache introduces himself as “Shitty”. Jack forgets to get their real names, as the conversation takes off, aided by the dragonberry rum that Shitty has procured. He finds out that Bitty snuck the pies through by bribing the guards with more pie, something which he has decided not to question. 

After a bit, Jack finds himself alone with Bitty, as Shitty has wandered over to a small but terrifying Asian security guard. He is attempting to talk her up, and Jack is listening to Bitty talk about how his restaurant is named after Jimmy Buffett. 

“It’s called Play for Gumbo? You know, like the song? And it’s a concert hall but also like a restaurant. Shitty plays there sometimes with his uke, but like the best nights are the “5 o’clock somewhere” themed nights. We have karaoke, and drinks are five dollars and it goes from five to ten. And you may think, why have a Jimmy Buffett restaurant if Margaritaville exists? To that I will answer you, there are never too many Buffett themed restaurants. Also on those nights it’s a buffet. Because of the obvious jokes” 

Jack is riveted by this, and he shares a little bit about his life. Not enough to tip Bitty off, but enough to keep him interested. Jack’s been openly bisexual to his team for a while, and after a quiet decision to just not do any interviews about it, and the Stanley Cup win, Jack’s ready to talk to/date whoever he damn well pleases, and right now it is Bitty. 

Jack chats with Bitty for a while, until Buffett comes on stage, and then they have a great time singing along to the island escapist tunes. Jack is shocked when Bitty duets with him on “Son of a Son of a Sailor”, and the concert flies past. Shitty joins them about halfway through, looking significantly more rumpled, and tells them that the girl’s name was Larissa but that she goes by Lardo to fit in with the security bros. 

At the end, Jack is pressed with about seven mini pies to take for posterity, all in glass tins. He wonders again how Bitty managed to pull this off, but decides to not question it. They say good-bye, and promise to keep in touch. 

It doesn’t even occur to Jack that he’s forgotten to get either of their full names, or their cell-phone numbers, until he’s home with his dog, Lola. All he has is the name of the restaurant, and seven mini pie tins.

The next day, a slightly hungover Jack tells his d-men, Ransom and Holster about the mystery man he met at the concert. Ransom uses Google, something that hadn’t occurred to Jack yet, to look up the man, and finds his restaurant. They decide to go to the next Five O’Clock Somewhere night and do drunk karaoke/matchmaking. Jack thinks that he’ll get to return the pie tins, which were demolished by Ransom and Holster, as well as getting Bitty’s number. 

When Jack, and Ransom/Holster, go to Bitty’s restaurant the next week, they are shocked at how tiki themed and how beautiful it is. The entire restaurant seems to be themed around a sunset on a beach, with the stage being the ocean and the colors of red, orange and pink spreading around the restaurant. 

Bitty is behind the bar, dressed in orange shorts, a white polo and an apron, with a dangerously handsome man dressed in the same thing, but his face lights up when Jack walks into the restaurant. Once seated at the bar, Bitty hands Jack a tequila sunrise and a slice of lemon meringue pie. 

“These are the specials for tonight, but i can make you something else if you want.” 

Jack smiles and shakes his head, sipping his drink. 

Bitty’s face shines again, as he whips off his apron, chucking it at the handsome man’s face and nailing it dead center and saying “Well then Nurse, I’m taking my break.” 

They spend the night talking, and one night grows into a year, which grows into two, which grows into an engagement, which grows into forever. At their wedding, Jimmy Buffett plays their song, “Who’s the Blonde Stranger?”, and for their tenth anniversary, Jack buys a boat. 

The boat is named “Key Lime Pie”, the food that brought him and Bitty together.

**Author's Note:**

> i couldn't tell you how many references there are or why i wrote this but it exists thanks for reading it


End file.
